I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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