Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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