I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize