You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
