You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I will pee on everything he values.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
