Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
