Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
