I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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