so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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