yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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