I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
