i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
