I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
