I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
