Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
