i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize