Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
