Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize