Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
