There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
