Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
