Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
