just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
