wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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