Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
