i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
