i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
