ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
