so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
