I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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