waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
