their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize