so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
