Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
