If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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