yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
