NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
