So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
no, he came in my armpit
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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