I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
