I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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