I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
