2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
