i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
