In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
