You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We had to coat check the pizza.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize