its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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