I wanna passion pit in your ass
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
