After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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