absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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