Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
