it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
