Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize