I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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