Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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