Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
