is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
