dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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