She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
