so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
