I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
