I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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