She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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