3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
