Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
