I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
