I'm sorry my penis didn't work
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
